So you are contemplating divorce, have already pulled the trigger, or your spouse has pulled the trigger for you. In any case, it is highly likely that fear is playing a prominent role in your life during this period. And it’s only natural. Your world has been turned upside down, and the path forward can appear murky at best. Some fears you didn’t know you would ever feel. Some are old fears you’ve had most of your life but have been successfully denying.
Ending a love relationship results in fears of all kinds. Fear of being alone is common, and fears about money, living arrangements, children’s welfare, judgments of family and friends, the legal process, and living life as single person are all typical as well. It’s easy to allow fears to immobilize you. You feel too afraid to take the next step forward, and can be come almost paralyzed by your fears. A little fear can be motivating. But too much fear makes it difficult to function and get on with your life.
There are a couple of key things to remember about fears which can be helpful in learning to deal with them.
The first is that the best way to overcome fears is to allow yourself to feel them. Fears not yet identified or fully experienced can be the most powerful. When you identify them, face them, and allow them to move through your body, you’ll find they aren’t as scary and powerful as you thought. One simple thing you can do which really helps is to make a list of your fears. Identify the things you are afraid of, so you can get in touch with just what you are feeling.
Another useful insight is that feared situations that you don’t face are the very ones that are likely to occur.
Facing your fear directly, understanding what exactly you are afraid of, determining if this is a realistic fear, and taking appropriate action if needed, all both help you bring back a sense of control and minimize the chances of the feared event coming to pass.
Talking to a trusted friend or counselor about your fears can help you gain a reality check about your fears and dispel some of the energy behind them.
You can experience a great deal of personal growth and transformation because of the crisis of ending your marriage. Facing and overcoming your fears can help you make the crisis into a creative experience.